Bursting with Pride September 23, 2008

What a great night!  Tonight Adam, my little sweet guy with the best hugs in the world, was awarded the Superintendent’s Star Award at the MISD school board meeting.  He was the ONLY child from Charlotte Anderson Elementary school to be awarded this.  Nine other children from nine other elementary schools also received the award.

I’d never heard of this award before even though they’ve been doing it for about 5 years.  The award “recognizes students for outstanding character, citizenship, fairness, honesty, kindness, respect, responsibility, and trustworthiness.”  The kids are nominated by their teachers and approved by the principal.

I was honestly bursting with pride tonight.  It’s so great as a parent to have your child recognized for something that’s inherent in their personality.  I can’t even put it into words…

Doug came for the awards, of course, but John had to work, and we sincerely missed him.  I would have loved to share this with him as part of our family.

Here are a few pictures.  Doug took some as well, so I’ll add them as soon as I receive them…

This is Adam before the awards…

And the back of Adam getting the award…

And the kids with their trophies…

Sunday Night Ramblings September 21, 2008

I don’t have a specific subject in mind tonight, so I thought I’d just post some ramblings from the weekend.  Nothing of great importance, yet I always feel the overwhelming desire to write…

It was a good weekend, and as always, I’m sorry to see it end.  Friday night I went out with my one and only single girlfriend.  We headed over to downtown Fort Worth and tried out The Pour House (crowd was way too young, although the band wasn’t bad) and then the Flying Saucer (a little bit better, but by then it was late).  Got home around 1:30 and slept for a few hours.  Melina and I went riding Saturday morning at River Legacy.  Thankfully, no old ladies tried to mow me down or flip me off.  HOWEVER!!!  I did see this HUGE snake slithering across the path that totally makes me rethink my idea of getting a mountain bike for off-road riding. I kid you not, this snake was as big around as my forearm and about 18″ were on the path and many more were still in the shrubbery.  That got me to thinking, if this HUGE snake is brave enough to cross the path with all the traffic out there, how many other HUGE snakes are living in the forest, waiting to show themselves to unsuspecting off-road cyclists?  I think I’d rather brave traffic…

So after a decent 26-mile ride Saturday morning, Melina and I went to lunch at at Mimi’s cafe and then I headed to Dallas to see Doug and John.  What was exciting though was that our friend from college, Bradley, was in town and he was there waiting when I got there.  We haven’t seen Bradley since 1991 – so 17 years – and it was great to see him.

When Doug took the kids to lunch on Saturday, Amy immediately noticed a transsexual who had obviously had a hard night, so I’m sure we’ll be talking about that more in the near future.  Thankfully, my kids are both very accepting, and I really think Amy was more worried about her fashion sense than anything else.  I’m honestly glad the kids are exposed to different walks of life and aren’t growing up thinking that everyone is like them.

Saturday night was an early night (I hear that makes me BORING), but I got TWELVE hours of sleep. 

Today the kids and I took the greyhounds to the dog park.  Dixon tried to eat the other dogs, and Tucker was scared and wanted to find a corner to hide in.  We didn’t stay terribly long…

It was beautiful today though and I got a nice 30 mile ride in. When the kids are home, I ride a 10-mile loop repeatedly.  It’s kind of boring, but it ensures I’m never far from them in case they need me.  Today I was thinking about what I like/dislike about this little loop…

I like riding by the horse farms.  They make me feel, at least for a short time, that I’m not living in the suburbs.  I like this one too-short downhill ride on Harris where the road is wide and there’s no traffic.  And I LOVE riding Park Springs between Sublett and Green Oaks.  So fast and easy to maintain about 21 mph without much effort.  It’s not even really a down-hill stretch of road but so smooth and little traffic.  I wish it was longer.  And then the scariest part of the loop is Green Oaks, a VERY busy four-lane road and people here don’t seem to like cylcists.  But I haven’t been run over yet, so I think that’s promising.  And I dislike riding in the subdivisions; so very slow.

I’m starting to think that maybe I need to develop a spreadsheet (ugh, did I just type that?) for tracking my mileage.  Spreadsheets pain me; numbers pain me, but so much of cycling seems to be numbers – distance, avg mph, max mph, total time…ugh.  At least though, when I ride, I can write in my mind…

Ended the day with a few beers with the neighbors, one of which I tried dating for a very short time. I’m just glad that didn’t get weird when it ‘t go anywhere, especially since Amy and his daughter are great friends.

Oh, and how about this – my baby turns 12 in one week – next Sunday.  I can’t believe it’s been that long.  She’s gotten to be such a beautiful, grown-up little girl.  Sixth grade already.  I don’t know where time goes…

This is going to be a busy/thoughtful week.  Adam is getting a great award at the Mansfield ISD school board meeting on Tuesday, and the 25th is the two-year anniversary of my last mastectomy and the awful complications that ensued. I’m having issues getting that out of my mind, and I may end up blogging about it just as a type of therapy.  But at least I’ve come a long way since then…

Anyway, I should close this entry out as it’s honestly pointless rambling.  But the words have to go somewhere…

Got My Butt Kicked Last Night September 17, 2008

I tried a new ride out of my local bike shop – the intermediate ride.  Sounded easy.  Twenty-seven mile ride, no drops (thank God).  It kicked my butt!  Yep, it was only 27 miles, but there were, amazingly, hills, and these folks didn’t slow down AT ALL.  We climbed these hills in our big ring.  Ugh.  So the ride ended up being 27 miles, average speed 17 mph, no stops except at about 4 traffic lights; oh and the last 3 miles were in the dark.

So I’ve ridden 27 miles before – not a problem.  I’ve ridden a few hills, but not many, and certainly have never climbed them in my big ring.  I’ve had rides that averaged over 17 mph. But never all three at once – with no stops. I’m a wimp newbie.

But I finished!  And I’ll be going back until that ride is EASY for me.  I didn’t beat cancer to have my bike kick my butt!

Ramblings… September 1, 2008

Just some random thoughts on my day off, in no particular order…

• Camping is fun when you get to go home at night and sleep in your own bed.
• Weight Watcher frozen meals are not very satisfying.
• It’s funny that you can go on a great bike ride and it’s not your legs that are hurting when you finish.
• Spending the day with family and friends is very relaxing.
• Girlfriends are irreplaceable.
• I’m surprised at how much I miss seeing John now that he’s working all the time.
• When you ride through an area where the grackles have been roosting, you get bird poop all over your water bottles.
• My blog hasn’t been hacked in over a week!
• My poor greyhound Tucker was obviously abused during his racing career, and I wish I knew how to make him trust people again.
• Dating can be fun, even when you’re almost 40.
• Remote controls must taste good to dogs.
• Three-day weekends are wonderful things.

Also, just for fun, I thought I’d start a running list of strange things you can see while riding.

1. A bobcat sitting in the middle of a bike path totally unconcerned with people passing by.

2. An old man smoking a cigarette while riding a bike.

3. A man and a woman riding a tandem while the man talks on his cell phone.

4. A lady riding in her bedroom slippers.

I’m sure there’s more to come…

Goodbye Match.com August 25, 2008

Wow, two blog posts in two days! This has to be some kind of record for me.

What a beautiful day today was! It was the first day of school for my kids – Amy started 6^th grade, and Adam started 4^th. It still amazes me that they’re so old! I took a day off from work and loved it! After getting Amy on the bus and taking Adam to school, I rode my bike, which really felt great; I am actually getting braver facing more heavily trafficked roads (which is all there seems to be around here). And then I went to lunch with a group of girlfriends for our annual “back to school celebration lunch.” I felt like I was playing hooky…

Got to thinking today on my ride… After seven months on match.com, today my subscription is finally expiring, and I’ve decided to let it go. I’ve certainly enjoyed it, and I’ve honestly learned a lot by using the site. It just seems to be another one of those things that I think about and am amazed at the changes in my life.

When I signed up initially for match, I actually tried eharmony first. (They wouldn’t let me join because I wasn’t legally divorced; they wanted to try to save my marriage! Lol!) But of course they didn’t tell me that they wouldn’t let me join until I completed their never-ending questionnaire. I remember one of the questions was to rate whether or not I was beautiful. And that question stumped me!!! I actually called Doug, my ex husband, and asked him if I was beautiful. That’s how far my self-esteem had fallen living with someone for so long who was never, ever attracted to me. Ask me now, and I guarantee I won’t have to call Doug!

I’ve met quite a few interesting men on match.com (and at least one or two I’d like to get to know much better!), but mostly I’ve learned many things about myself – things I never would have thought of before. I now know what type of man I’m attracted to and what type I’m not. I’ve learned that men do actually find me attractive, and I’ve also learned that I deserve that. I’ve learned more about what I don’t want in a relationship, about the things I would never settle for. And sometimes learning what you don’t want actually helps you determine what you do want.

Anyway, I thought I’d close this post by sharing my final match.com profile. I’m pretty proud of it, both as a writer and personally because I believe it shows how much I’ve learned about myself.

Ten Things About Me…

1. I’m beautiful, slender, and happy with how I look at this point in my life (you guys may not realize this, but that’s a big deal for women!).

2. I’m funny and sometimes sarcastic, and I love guys that make me laugh.

3. I’m smart, self-confident, and professionally successful; I’m an instructional designer for a company in Las Colinas. I enjoy my job, but it’s just my job and comes after my family and friends.

4. I have two kids who live with me and see their dad every weekend. They’re gorgeous, sweet, funny, and all that mushy parent stuff. I love them, but I do realize they’re not perfect.

5. I’ve gone through some of those things in life that people say will either kill you or make you stronger – I came out stronger.

6. I love cycling and am always interested in new cycling partners.

7. I love dogs. I have two retired racing greyhounds. If you ever want to see something beautiful, watch a greyhound run, but pay close attention because they don’t last long before they have to take a four-hour nap!

8. I’m a Christian, but I’m not attending church at this time; I don’t know when I’ll be ready to go back. I believe that if everyone would practice Jesus’s two most important commandments, the world would be a much better place.

9. I have a gay ex-husband who’s living with his partner; we’re still friends. The downside is that I’m also a bit rusty when it comes to dating and nervous when it comes to that good-night kiss. It’s been 16 years, guys..

10. I know what I want in life, and I’m not willing to settle.

Ten Things About You…

1. You’re attractive, active, and fit.

2. You’re funny, maybe even a bit sarcastic like me; you’re quick-witted enough to keep me on my toes.

3. You’re smart and not intimidated by the fact that I am too.

4. You may be a bit on the unconventional side, just to keep things interesting.

5. You’re not looking for an email buddy and understand that meeting in person is the best way to determine if we have chemistry.

6. You’re willing to play the “boy chases girl game” for a while because I haven’t experienced it in years, and it would make me happy.

7. You’re straight. (You know I had to get that in there!)

8. You love life, even when it gets hard.

9. You know what you want in life, and you’re not willing to settle.

10. You’re secure enough in yourself to handle my unconventional situation, and you’re patient enough to show me what I’ve been missing all these years.

Seriously, how often do you guys get to remind a girl how great a straight guy can be?!

What a Difference Two Years Can Make August 24, 2008

I’ve been staring at this blank page for a while now, wondering how to fill it, knowing that I need to put something down on “paper” so I can have at least one blog entry for the month of August. But what to write about…

Then I saw a thread on my support board, an old thread that had been “bumped.” The title of this thread was “Who are you besides cancer.” In this thread, we all gave a short introduction of ourselves and our lives outside cancer. Reading this old thread, I was amazed at how different my life is now, just two short years later.

I thought it would be interesting to compare where I was then with where I am now. I’ve used what I wrote then to do this:

THEN: My real name is Dawn, and I live in Arlington, Texas with my husband and two children. My DH and I are celebrating our 15th anniversary this year (wow!). My daughter, Amy, is turning 10 in September, and my son Adam is 7. I’m fortunate to be a stay-at-home mom, and I love it. It especially comes in handy now!

NOW: Well, my name is still Dawn, and I still have two kids – but that’s about it! Doug and I divorced this year after 16 years of marriage. Most of you reading my blog know the reason why we divorced. I’m thankful that he’s still in my life, and he’s a great father to my kids (they’re almost 12 and 9 ½ now!). I love his partner too, and we all have a very good family relationship together – as strange as that sounds to most people.

Believe it or not, I actually knew my husband was gay when I wrote my original post. My head was firmly entrenched in the sand…

THEN: I am a soapmaker. I had a soapmaking business until I got sick. I was selling on the internet and also at a weekly outside market. I loved doing my market, and I am very dissappointed that I’m not able to do it this year. Especially since I paid my $600 in fees for the year the week before I was diagnosed! So now soapmaking is just a hobby again. I made the best smelling batch of grapefruit soap the other day, and it was so much fun. It’s the first batch I made since I got sick.

NOW: I haven’t made soap in a VERY long time. I need to sell off my supplies…

THEN: Before I had kids, I used to be a technical writer/instructional designer. It was fun, but I was happy to get out of the corporate world!

NOW: I’m right smack back in the corporate world again – working as an instructional designer. However, I’m actually very happy with my job.

THEN: My husband is an IT manager and also just started a second job as a bartender. I’m lucky to have the guy. He’s a keeper for sure. (And he now has less hair than me!!!!!)

NOW: Well, maybe not such a keeper…

THEN: My kids are beautiful. I love them so much, even when they’re being snots! They’ve started back to school, and they’re loving it. I can’t believe how fast they’re growing.

NOW: This is actually still 100% true. One of the few things that have remained the same in my life.

THEN: Well, that’s about it. I better get a move on. I have my old ladies water aerobics class this morning! Love those old ladies. They’re such a group of kind hearts…

NOW: Back then, I was recovering from chemo and multiple surgeries and all I could physically handle was a water aerobics class. Now of course, there’s my bike. Love my bike…

NOW: I am confident in myself; I know who I am and what I want out of life, and I’m not willing to settle. I’m no longer afraid of change. I’m no longer afraid to take risks. I am strong, physically and emotionally.

Life is good…

Mystery of the Foul Mood – Resolved July 27, 2008

For the last week or so, I’ve been in a funk, bad mood, foul mood, whatever you might want to call it. Pleased to be alone, other times hating to be alone, snappy at my son (Amy was away at camp), very short on patience. Basically, I have been a bitch. And I was wondering why? I’m usually such a happy, positive person. Yet I haven’t been able to feel that way the past few days.

This morning I realized why…

Next Friday, Aug 1 at 8:30 am, I have my next oncology appointment. I get the meet the woman who holds my life in her hands and face my fear again.

I’m a tough person; I’ve gotten through a lot, more than most women my age can even imagine, yet I’m taken to ground with the thought of walking into an oncology unit and seeing my doctor.

I just want to live a normal life, a life that doesn’t involve visiting an oncologist every three months. But I have to go. I have to have the blood tests, have the physical tests, and face the fear again…

I’m thankful that one of my best friends is going with me. I’ve decided I’m never doing these appointments alone again.

I KNOW I’m healthy, yet I can’t escape the fear.
One more week, and I’ll be home free for another three months!

Oh, and as a completely unrelated side note, I’ve learned it’s hard to ride a bike after a greyhound has run full speed into your leg…

Life After a Gay Husband July 22, 2008

Just wanted to let everyone know that yes, there is life after a gay husband! Life is good… No, life is GREAT! I’m loving living on my own with the kids. Doug and I have a great, healthy relationship, and I get to go on dates with STRAIGHT men! Ah, the simple things in life that so many women take for granted… lol

Another Sister Has Left Us July 14, 2008

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that breast cancer is a “favorable cancer.” Favorable cancers are curable; breast cancer is not.

We lost another sister this week, a young mother, a wife, a friend, a family member. I’m sure people at some point told her how lucky she was that they “caught” her cancer early, that she was “in the clear” because she had no nodes involved with her initial cancer. We’ve all heard it, and she lived it, yet she died on Friday. Metastatic breast cancer; metastatic triple negative breast cancer. It’s a killer. Don’t be lulled into thinking that early detection equals cured. There’s no such thing with breast cancer. We NEED a cure. We’re done with awareness; we NEED a cure. We’re done with losing our friends; we NEED a cure. We’re done with being afraid every time we have a pain; we NEED a cure. We’re done with panic attacks at our oncologist offices; we NEED a cure. We’re done with scans, with blood tests, with fear; we NEED a cure.

We’re done with leaving our little ones without a mother, our husbands without a wife, our mothers without their daughters.

Someone needs to find a cure.

Someone needs to find a cure so we can tell our daughters there’s nothing to fear. Breast cancer will not take their mom; it will not take them; it will not take their daughters.

Jayme was a beautiful young woman, diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in March 2006, no nodes, same pathology as me, same diagnosis date as me. Yet she’s dead now. I’m so thankful to be alive…

Cancer sucks. I hate it…

I Gave in to Serious Temptation July 1, 2008

And bought a road bike. Bicycle, not motorcycle!!

A couple months ago, I went out with a really nice guy who’s really into triathlons and cycling. I’ve always really enjoyed recreational cycling, but he peaked my interest in road cycling. So I’ve been researching, saving, and dreaming, and I finally bought a road bike! I really hoped to be able to have a bigger budget, but the kids are out of school, requiring much much money, so I got a really nice entry-level road bike. I got a Specialized Dolce, and it’s a great starting point. Last night I did my first group ride, a beginning road cycling ride out of Arlington. It was short – only 15 miles, but I’ve got to learn the technique of group rides. OMG!!!! What a total blast! I’m very hooked now, there’s no looking back…

Watch for me soon at a century ride! I WILL be there!